M F ALFREY

The Sailor’s Pipe tavern is what you’d expect from a stoum tavern in Rhodetha. Isingla it the top beverage and here it’s the best quality, of course, and since it’s being served in country of origin, dangerously cheap. Cheaper than in Salosnareth for sure. The Pipe, as the locals call it, it the main venue in Nara. Not to be confused with Nara, in Draioch. Though both are coastal. It’s a quaint place used to a more nautical sound. Absolutely nothing like what this band of bards play. FRENEME has been following this bunch for some time now.

At first, I wasn’t sure about this assignment. A bunch of nobodies, causing a stir in Salosnareth. Not just on the music scene but with the local law. So, you may actually have heard of these guys now. The Cavern Punks. Previously known by a few other names like the Hooded Bards, the Cloaked Bards, and occasionally the Monsters. That last one being a bit of a contention for this bunch. But, as they would say, any publicity is good publicity. It’s hard enough making music in the realms, but the kind of struggle this band of bards deals with, might see lesser folk pack up and give in. Not the Cavern Punks. So that’s the first question:

FRENEME: What’s the secret to this sticking power?

Bleat (lute): It’s no secret – we’re too dumb to care.

Ton (vocals): We’s overwhelmingly steadfast.

Rustle (hurdy-gurdy): We just have to play, you know? We’ve a goal. To show the world that we’re just like them, you know? Close the gap.

There’s a tapping and farting along with a flash of coloured lights. A few locals stare in our direction and I get a sample of what these guys deal with on tour day to day. The tapping and farting, as I’ve come to know, is Fulg (drums) and Zorb (crumhorn and flute). They can’t speak like your average person. The others though, communicate in Link. Rustle is the easiest to understand, despite his breezy accent. I’ve become used to Bleat’s nickering accent when she speaks, though still struggle with Ton’s famous diraghoni lisp. But we manage. We take the time to understand each other. Rustle translates for me though when it comes to Zorb and Fulg.

Rustle: Family, cos we’re family. That’s what Zorb said. Fulg, er, well, Fulg agrees.

FRENEME: So, it’s been a while since we covered your exploits. The last big gig you did was actually in Nara. Not this one, but in Draioch, right?

Bleat: Yeah. That was pretty big I guess, were you there?

FRENEME: Yes, of course. It’s a busy event for us. Unfortunately, I missed your set. I heard it went well. There was a bit of a drama though, right?

Ton: He means the hoods, yes?

Rustle: Oh yeah. The sea wind. Ha, it er, unhooded us mid set.

Bleat: The crowd actually stopped and gawped. It felt like forever.

Rustle: (After Zorb farts out something.) Yeah, Zorb says we thought that was it. You know? But someone whooped and we just carried on. It felt good, you know?

Bleat: The crowd just accepted us.

Ton: Cos we’s awesome.

FRENEME: So, after, you boarded the Hardy Lass and headed for Rhodetha …

Rustle: Yeah, that’s right. The voyage was pretty quiet. The crew didn’t seem to mind us.

Bleat: We stayed cloaked up mostly (she looks to Fulg and Zorb), though, you know, there’re some things you can’t hide. Some of the passengers were a bit wary.

Zorb flashes and there is silence in the group. This always feels a little spooky, the silence. I’ve come to understand that these silences aren’t so silent for them. They’re talking, but mind to mind.

Bleat: Zorb says to tell you that it was me who saved the day there (she laughs and shakes her head). It really wasn’t. All I did was play my lute and sing a few old songs I’ve picked up over the years. But people vibed, you know?

Rustle: You’re a talented lutist, Bleat.

Ton: She’s alright.

And there it is again. The tension. A tension that seems to have grown since our last interview in Skipping and a notably different vibe settles in for a moment or two until Zorb ripples out something, they all laugh and that’s that. I don’t get a translation for that one. It’s clear though, Zorb is the band’s sense of humour.

FRENEME: So, how was you first gig on Rhodetha?

Rustle: Ah, the Aoras gig. Huh, what was that place called? (The band look blanky at each other, they’re talking, perhaps. Rustle shrugs.) Yeah, how about that? I guess we’ve burned that one from our memories. It was icy.

Bleat: Not as icy as that one at the House of Isingla.

Ton: That place! Nice isingla, trut venue.

Rustle: It picked up though. The landlord suggested a few local tunes. We’d heard a couple since arriving. You know … when we were getting a feel for Rhodetha.

Bleat: We’d been skulking in taverns and inns.

Rustle: Yeah, so picked up a few tunes. Now they’re a main part of our set.

Ton: Sis! I hate these covers. We need to be playing out our stuff.

Bleat: Yeah, but Ton, no one likes our stuff.

Ton: They liked it in Draioch.

The band slides into another one of their debates and I have to break it up with question.

FRENEME: So, life on the road … how’s that going? You have a cart and horse now?

Rustle: Whicker, our pony, yeah. A bandwagon too. It’s useful. Somewhere we can get away from the public eye now and then. Yes, ha. Fulg says it’s like camping. Fulg enjoys this.

Ton: I hate it. Give me a city any day. The wild, there’s too many beasties and things.

Bleat: Ton’s still pissed about the falryx.

FRENEME: Woah, a falryx?

Rustle: Yeah, amazing creatures. The crested falryx. Much smaller on Rhodetha, brightly coloured. Beautiful.

Ton: Beastly things. Feral! I could’ve been eaten.

Bleat: But you weren’t. That’ll teach you for wandering off (she looks to me). Ton was throwing one of their creative strops again.

Ton: Was not.

FRENEME: Any other interesting wildlife encounters?

Rustle: Oh yes, we’ve had quite the treat. There was the festris in the sea caves just outside of Osab. Ton found that one too.

Ton: Sis! I could’ve been turned to stone.

Bleat: And this tour would be so much more peaceful.

Rustle: Zorb’s favourite was the sea monster off the coast between Herrs and Osab. Not a clue what it was, but it must’ve been huge. It had these tentacles.

Ton: There was a sea monster?

Bleat: Yeah, we told you. Remember? (She looks to me again). Ton didn’t see it because they were too busy running away from butterflies.

Ton: They mobbed me!

Bleat: It was so funny.

Ton: Who sent those bandits we met in Marum Forest packing? Me. Yes, that’s right.

FRENEME: Bandits?

Rustle: Sure. That was actually rather funny. It was night, we were camped on the edge of the jungle. Ton and Zorb were in the wagon. Me and Bleat were sat by a fire we’d got going to keep the wolvern and vuveks away. This bunch of bandits approached us from the trees.

Bleat: Probably though they’d snuck up on us (she laughs and shakes her head).

Rustle: Well, they hadn’t. Between the five of us, we’d sensed them and did that thing, you know? (He taps his head; I guess he’s implying the mind-talk they do). Well, these guys, six of them, they come up at us and just demand our stuff and the wagon. I guess at this point they think they’ve got a couple humans or something.

Bleat: Fair play to them though, they didn’t flinch when we removed our hoods. Me and Rus.

Ton: No, it was me! I came leaping out of the wagon, yes? Being all like, ‘Get out of their faces, you plunges!’ and all this (Ton hisses and waves their claws around and then there’s a farting and tapping).

Rustle: Yeah, Zorb and Fulg have a point (he looks to me). Sure, Ton’s appearance shocked them a little. That’s when they drew their swords and knives. It was Zorb floating and flashing and Fulg just appearing from in the trees.

Ton: They thought Fulg was a rock until Fulg moved, sis!

Bleat: (Laughing) You should have heard the squeak the leader made. Never heard anyone make a noise like that before. The others hoofed it. Left their leader standing there.

Ton: He at least had the good mind to just frark off. Eventually.

FRENEME: So, life on the road is interesting then? (They all nod, except Zorb, they bob up and down.) And here you are, in another Nara. How does this gig compare to the Sea Harvest Festival?

Ton: Trut.

Rustle: Come on, it wasn’t that bad.

Bleat: So, you saw us play, right? That crowd? It was Ton’s idea to play without hoods. So that kinda killed it, I think. That reveal.

We fall into discussion then, about the Sailor’s Pipe gig, under the suspicious watch of the locals. Again, we’re tucked away in a nook, but it doesn’t do much good. It’s clear to see that the Rhodetha leg of the 7075 tour, as the punks call it, probably isn’t going quite as they’d hoped. They’re not just dealing with musical differences and taste, though their sound takes some getting used to. There are the cultural differences here on Rhodetha. Compared to Draioch and Salosnareth, it’s a wildly different world. Yet the big clincher for these guys is what they are. Folk are wary. There’s a suspicion holding people back from actually hearing what the punks are playing. What they’re saying. Is the world ready for the Cavern Punks? If their reception on Rhodetha is any kind of forecast, then it looks like stormy skies ahead for the Cavern Punks.

Find out more about the Cavern Punks in these back-issues of FRENEME magazine!