M F ALFREY

You may have noticed not much has changed on the music scene in the realm of Salosnsaref. Maybe you’re cool with that. Maybe you’re cool with the same old bards singing the same old songs. They’re classics, right? You know the ones: If I Had a Pickaxe, Wagons are Wagons, Mice Mice Maybe … played again, and again, and again. Sure, these songs are comforting, familiar, safe. The complete opposite to The Cavern Punks.

So, you’ve heard of this lot? Sure, you have. If you’ve heard of The Hooded Bards, that’s this bunch. They played Faroess, got kicked out of the Lost Miner, turned away from Club Alcohlorium, and even chased out of the sprawls. But they haven’t let that get them down. And now, the team here at FRENEME has managed to catch them after the biggest gig they’ve played so far supporting the world-famous Bevellers.

Today we have an exclusive interview with the Cavern Punks. From left to right we’ve got Rustle on hurdy-gurdy, Bleat on lute, Fulg on drums, Zorb on crumhorns and flute, and Ton on vocals and tambourine.

FRENEME: So, the obvious one is this – how in the Ten Hells did you guys meet?

Bleat: It’s complicated.

There’s a knowing look these guys share.

Rustle: Yeah, she’s joking, but not, right? We met in a cavern.

FRENEME: Right … so that’s where you got the first part of your name, right?

They’re all nodding at this point, except Zorb, they kind of bob up and down.

FRENEME: So, what’s this punk bit then? It’s got a lot of folk pretty confused.

This makes them smile and they all look at Ton. A blue diraghoni with shocking pink spines.

Ton: Well, this is kind of down to me, yes? I had this vision, you know? It came to me. So, Cavern Punks. Punk is … punk is kinda hard to pin down, yes? It’s us.

There’s a tapping, like on stone, some fart noises and tooting. This is Fulg and Zorb joining in. But it’s Ton, Rustle, and Bleat who do the translating.

Rustle: Fulg wants you to know we met in challenging times, we were all down to our last acorn, you know? I mean, we’re not that much further up to be honest. But Fulg says when we play together, we resonate, you know?

Ton: Yes, it’s like, we get each other, yes? I’m mean, look at us. Most folk find us, well, different.

FRENEME: You sometimes play hooded, right?

Bleat: Yeah, we have been, yeah.

Rustle: Yeah, Zorb, sure. Zorb was just saying we’ve been using the old “these are just costumes” routine. (Rustle gestures to their faces). Ha, sometimes that works.

Ton: Yes, sometimes.

FRENEME: So, on that note – best gig, worst gig? Your choice what goes first.

Ton: Best gig, the Mariner’s Slops, hanging out with the Bevellers. Nicest bunch of humans we’ve met. Jetil’s a pro, she’s just so humble and easy to hang with.

Bleat: She’s something else on the lute.

Rustle: What about Nut’s accordion? Makes me wanna learn. Yeah, they were really sweet. Liked our sound, though we’re musically very far apart.

FRENEME: If your band was an ale, how would you describe it?

This question seems to get Ton’s attention, but it’s Rustle who starts them off.

Rustle: Hoppy, with a spikey edge.

Ton: There’s definitely a kick, yes?

Bleat: A hazy ale, you know? The right amount of cloudiness, hard to make out.

Ton: Yes, yes … this is it, lots of flavours.

Rustle: (Fulg taps) Ha, yeah. A little off balance. (Zorb farts) Yeah, and bubbly.

Ton: Lifts you up and Ten Hells of a hangover after a session.

They’re all laughing at this point, loosening up.

Ton: And worst?

They all seem to be looking at each other. There’s a silence that hangs in the snug we’re all sitting in, at the back of the Mariner’s Slops Inn. It’s as if they’re speaking to each other’s minds in that silence.

Rustle: We all agree on this one – the Lost Miner.

Ton: Yes, the landlord’s a right frarking plunge.

Rustle: Him and Ton don’t get along. Basically, it was a less than pleasant crowd. They didn’t like our hoods, Ton ended up getting unhooded and …

Bleat: It slid down the trut hole after that. It happens, you know?

FRENEME: What are you hopes for the future of the band?

Ton leans forward and up until this point the diraghoni has been kind of lounging about, playing it cool, making jokes, but this is a serious question to them.

Ton: For people like us to feel safe in our own skins, yes? To be able to be out and living life. Frark the future of the band. This is about expression, frark tradition, frark what’s normal, yes? If making it big is what we’ve gotta do to achieve this, then this is the way, yes?

Rustle: Yeah, what Ton says. More bards like us. There are so many more ways of seeing life, so many experiences. Seodan is a world of many kinds, yet it seems some are more freer to be themselves than others. We’re here to readdress that balance.

Bleat: With imbalance.

Ton: Like our music.

FRENEME: That’s a pretty big goal. So, what can someone expect during a Cavern Punks set?

Ton: You’ll hate it. But you’ll need to hear it just one more time.

Rustle: Chaos. We don’t even know what’s happening half the time.

They all laugh, tap, and fart at this.

Bleat: Honest energy. We are us on stage. Especially when the hoods are off. It just us.

FRENEME: Well, thanks for taking this interview. It’s been, like you say, different. From what I saw in the crowd last night – you really warmed them up. There was an energy and we at FRENEME hope to see more to come. Good luck.

Ton: No luck needed, we’re awesome.

Rustle: We’re awful. But, you know, we have fun being awful.

Bleat: Sometimes that what’s needed, yeah?

Check out the Cavern Punks if you’re in Nara next week and, in four weeks’ time, they’ll be playing the Unnamed Isle before moving on to Rhodetha for the next leg of their Seodan Tour 7075.